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Professional Affiliations

bullethead counselor, The L. Borden & A. G. Bierce Family Values Center
bulletexecrable director, William Claude Duncanfield Memorial Pediatric Clinic and Animal Hospice
bulletCEO, Falopia Wear Ladies' Unspeakables, makers of the No No-Bra- Bra Bra®
bulleteditor, National Fiendographic
bulletCEO, Pince Machiavelli Men's Toiletries, makers of Eau du Bête, Oil of Oyvay and Warlock Hazel
bulletrabbi, Congregation B'Nai Bubkis, Temple Tukhus, the Rabelaisian Synod of Kong
bulletpresident, Persecute Pusses without Mercy Foundation (PPWMF)
bulletco-chair, Chicago Radio Alter Schmuzig Society (CRASS)
bulletdean, Fiendon U
bulletchairman of the bored, Priapus Institute for Defloration
bulletstation mangler, KAKA TV
bulletprogram defector, WIWI 66.6 fm
bulletpublisher, Pinchers Press
bulletcurator, Musée des arts drècoratif
bulletfartistic director, The Commedia dell' Farte
bulletnational reprehensitive & delivery boy, Tushy Pinches R Us
Role Models

"I'll be good, I will, I will!"


"Heh! Heh! Heh!"

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"A muddled fool full of lucid intervals."

"Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad."

Wise Saws and Modern Instances

You gotta get up pretty late in the afternoon to get up later than El Fiendo!

If it sticks out, grab it. If it goes in, plug it. When in doubt, squeeze it.

If the world can't give you what you want, go somewhere else.

Flab squeezing is the most important thing in life.

Gonads are a terrible thing to waste.

If you put your ear to the nipple of a woman's breast and listen very hard, you can hear a dairy farm. (And if you can't, so what?)

If it can't be done indoors sitting down or lying down, I don't care what it is, I don't want any part of it.

King Kong died for our sins.

With age comes the acquisition, not of wisdom, but of ever more creative mistakes.

Bad guys and sidekicks get all the good lines.

Never pick on anyone your own size.

Bad guys might get theirs in the last reel, but in the last reel of life, who doesn't?

Body language is best communicated by Braille.

Ask not what your victim can do for you; ask what you can do to your victim.

A grab on the boobs may be quite continental, but tushies are a fiend's best friend.

Be good to thy poddy and thy poddy will be good to thee.

No clothes on in bed!

Big tits do not a sex-pot make, nor giant cock a stud.

Nasty he who nasty stinketh.

A breast in the hand is worth two in the bra.

You never know enough; you're never smart enough.

When it comes to tushy pinching, it is as blessed to receive as to give.

You have to grow up at least some of the time. But you don't have to like it.

Nooky is its own reward.

When you're a fiend, you're a fiend all the way,
From your first tushy pinch to your last dying day.

Do unto udders.


Deunemnestra and Phoendicles

Great Grandpapa Dimentri Wirdovitch Pinchamov and Great Grandmama Alla Naztimova

Gramps in his home away from home


Critical Appraisal

"You're stwange, El Fiendo."
La Pusseracha

"Why, I oughtta...!"
Lorna Doone

"Up yours!"

"You know, Yuri, your jokes are very clever, but they're not actually funny."
Penny Gold, BBC Radio Drama Dept

"There's something about you that brings out the nag in every woman."
Rachel Kreitzel


My Pix

My boss's Office at AudioFile East

  The lobby of my office, AudioFile West

My inner office, AudioFile West

The office above AudioFile West
My brain My bust


Take it from Private Parts:

"Nothing snaps your birthday suit to attention like Tushy Pinches R Us!"



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